My Foray into the World of the "Nouveau Riche" - Rob Marshall The other day I was driving down to the Lowveld for the weekend when a pin fell out of the gearbox linkage leaving my vehicle stuck in 5th gear – no other gears were available and I had no reverse gear! In keeping with Sod’s Law, this had to happen while I was passing through the tiny village of Badplaas, nestled in a deep valley in the foothills of the Drakensberg! Few cars are designed to operate in top gear only so, with no garages open in that area over the weekend, I turned for home – easier said than done! I was now on the wrong side of the Drakensberg and I faced a 14km continuous climb to reach the Highveld plateau with only 5th gear to do it with! Fortunately with some high start-off speeds, no slow traffic to trouble me and a little bit of good fortune I managed to reach the top on my third attempt. Eventually I got back to the mine workshops where the mechanic on duty carried out some magical ‘running repairs’ on the errant linkage using a common ‘Gutter bolt - galvanized’ - the only bolt available in the company workshop that fitted. At least I had wheels for the weekend once more! He had emphasized that the repair was only temporary (because of the mild steel bolt) so I went straight to the local agents on the Monday to get a ‘proper one’ fitted – as expected, the agents had no stock so they had to order a replacement from an Eastern country because “this pin never needs replacing so we don’t keep stocks!” Ahem! Cough, cough! “Hasn’t the pin just fallen out?” Incidentally, about 6000kms later, with no sign of the replacement pin, the gutter bolt is still holding the gear linkages together!
This reminded me of the time that I owned a BMW!
In the 1980’s I decided that, after being a loyal Peugeot owner (fan) since I had started my working career, I felt that I deserved an upgrade. So, after what I thought was a thorough investigation of all available models, I settled for a gleaming red BMW with all the mod-cons that my run-of-the-mill Peugeot never had – power steering, brakes, windows, air-conditioner, leather seats, automatic gearbox and plenty of power! Yislaaik! Just about everything to make a man feel good!
Everything went well for about 3 years but, once the warranty period had ‘conveniently’ expired, I noticed that the temperature would creep up slightly on the occasional trip. Now, after having owned Peugeot cars for so many years, I was immune to such “minor” anomalies - I also expected to carry out the occasional repair using the trusted ‘blou draad-en-tang’ (fencing wire and pliers) to fix the problem ! At that time I lived in a mine village and, with most of my trips being fairly long, the engine generally remained at a constant operating temperature - the occasional rise in temperature was never of any real concern.
First breakdown: One weekend a friend was getting married down in Pietermaritzburg and as a cousin of mine lived nearby, I offered to take her family with to visit her parents who lived in a nearby town. We were no sooner on the road when we were delayed by a car accident just outside Kinross (Secunda). With the stopping and starting, the motor began overheating and suddenly the damn thing cut out! Now what? Rush hour traffic all over the place! An automatic with a dead engine is like a beached whale – it can go nowhere! Period! Short-tempered Vaalies were shouting, swearing and flashing finger salutes – that didn’t improve matters at all and just made me more irritated so I replied in kind – not very wise in that area as those people have been known to get dangerously ‘trigger-happy’ at times! Well to cut the story short, the irate traffic managed to get past and we parked there until the motor cooled sufficiently to fire-up once again. The next town was Trichardt where there is a BMW agency so I stopped to let a mechanic have a look. I had forgotten that traditionally, after 5pm on a Friday (payday) no mechanic can be found anywhere near his workplace, let alone at 5.15pm but the gods must have been smiling as there was still one elderly mechanic just on the point of leaving. He recognized me and came across to find out what the problem was – I explained as best I could and he replied, “No problem – your thermostat is stuck! Don’t worry, it happens all the time!” “In order to avoid damaging the motor, an engine protection mechanism kicks in and shuts the motor down! So, actually everything is working properly!” was his confident reply. Everything (?) - working properly (??) – Is the moon a balloon? Are my wheels turning?
Unfortunately the workshop had already been locked up for the night so he grabbed a large spanner and gave the housing holding the thermostat a solid clout. The temperature gauge immediately reacted to the release of coolant and, before sending us on our way, he reminded me to watch the gauge! “If the temperature starts rising, stop and clout it just there!” – pointing to a certain spot and that would apparently release the stuck thermostat! So much to instill confidence in our planned trip of over 500kms to Pietermaritzburg!
After due consideration, we reluctantly decided to abandon the trip to Maritzburg and return home. My solemn plan to have the thermostat replaced ‘first thing on the Monday morning’ was postponed but I did keep a spanner handy in case I needed to effect ‘running repairs’ once again! As I never needed to ‘repair’ the thermostat again, I conveniently forgot about the problem!
Kruger Park trip: Occasionally the company employed overseas students and one year we had 2 German geology students receiving experiential training during their university vacations. The students knew of the Kruger Park, but had never experienced ‘animals in the wild’, so we booked a weekend trip in the Park. Without further ado (or thermostat repairs), I took the mine geologist (an English immigrant as well) and his German students to the Park for the weekend. We had a great trip – perfect weather, plenty cold beers and excellent viewing – until we stopped to view a pride of lion lying next to a quiet gravel road just outside Skukuza! With the engine running and the air-con working flat out, the motor soon over-heated and cut out! Can you imagine a more hostile (and awkward) spot to be stranded? Suddenly the lions began showing more than a passing interest in us; they must have sensed our predicament and one even came up to the car seeming to ‘peruse the menu’! The sun was beating down and, without a breath of cool air, the car was becoming unbearably hot. Our beers were in the boot and thirst became a paramount issue! There were no cell phones back then so phoning for assistance was out of the question! The general consensus was that the lions were indeed ravenous, if not starving - someone even added that “you can read it in their eyes!” Yes! No cajoling could entice any volunteers to “give the thermostat a clout” or fetch a few beers from the boot! Fortunately the lions did provide a satisfactory distraction, and after awhile, the motor cooled enough to allow it to fire up again – as automatics don’t free-wheel very well, the next couple of hundred metres were fairly precarious - the motor could quite easily overheat and cut out once again. Fortunately we found a clearing away from the lions and, after having a damned good look for any prowling lions, I took out the spanner and gave the wayward thermostat housing a good clout – someone dived into the boot for a few “cold ones” and, within seconds, we were on our way again. I’m sure that no Formula 1 pit crew would have beaten us on the day! It’s quite amazing what encouragement a ravenous pride of lions can provide!
Our next stop was Skukuza and, while the others were working on dry throats, I went around to the garage where I explained the problem to the mechanic on duty – in no time at all he had the housing unbolted and was waving the errant thermostat about! He explained why the device was not functioning as designed and added that he couldn’t repair it as this one was completely “Kaput”! He would have to order a new one which should be there on Monday afternoon! This called for desperate measures and a workable plan! Besides being booked in elsewhere in the Park, we also needed to get back to work on Monday! I couldn’t remember whether any of my Peugeots were ever fitted with a thermostat so I asked the mechanic what its purpose was. He explained it thus: “It is designed to shut off the water circulation at start-up and, once the engine reached operating temperature, it would act as a regulator to the water-flow, opening and closing depending on the engine temperature – this is to keep the engine at a constant operating temperature and ensure that the engine operated at maximum efficiency.” AHEM! All good and well! Now for the big question! Can the engine work without it? Yes, but the fuel efficiency would be compromised! Yislaaik! What a joke! Where do you find a “fuel efficient” BMW? They are designed to guzzle petrol and do so at an alarming rate! Ask me, I know! Needless to say, the last time I saw the ’trouble’ was when it disappeared into the waste bin. With that my overheating problem was resolved (forever) and I never considered replacing the thermostat ever again! At the time I kept a record of my fuel and there was no appreciable difference in general consumption at all - thus proving that the efficiency characteristics were just a myth!
John Deere to the Rescue: A year or so later I had to attend an important meeting in our Johannesburg Head Office – the meeting was scheduled for 9am so I left Kriel nice and early (to avoid any traffic snarl-ups) but just before Delmas my good intentions came to naught when a tremendous racket suddenly came from the front of the car accompanied with a major steering vibration – Now what! It seems as if misfortune follows me around! I immediately pulled off the road and started looking for the source. I checked all the wheels (gave them each a good kick) no problem there – I opened the bonnet (everything seemed to be still there and in order – nothing was loose or missing) - I looked underneath (maybe I had hooked some road debris) but there was nothing! OK, so I gave it another go. As I got to 45kph the racket/vibrations started again! It sounded as if the car was about to fall apart! At any moment I expected pieces of engine etc. to come flying out from the front somewhere! At that stage I had very little confidence left in the car! Fortunately I found that there was very little noise or vibration if I kept my speed below 30kph so, with Delmas only 10kms away, I pressed on and eventually limped into town just after 7am. Now to find a garage – any garage! I drove right through the town. Every garage shut tight! Earlier I had passed a farmers supply store and, what looked like a workshop – there were advertisements for John Deere tractors pasted all over and a few people were walking about so I decided to go back and ask them for assistance. “No problem – just pull the car up to here and we’ll have a look” was the joyful reply! In a moment the wheel was off and the problem identified – the front wheel bearing had disintegrated! “No problem – there is a BMW agency in Springs and we’ll have a new bearing here chop-chop – you’ll be on your way by lunch time” was the joyful retort. Eish! That meant missing the meeting - there were no cell phones in those days and I never had a single telephone number with me. Whoa! The mechanic to the rescue! “I’ll check whether we have a similar bearing in our stores – let me have a look!” A minute later he was back - he had a bearing of the exact size; after checking the size with a micrometer, he found it to be a perfect fit! “Do I mind if he fits a John Deere tractor bearing?” “No problem! Go ahead and fit it!”
Total cost – less than a hundred bucks! Bearing R35; labour R50! The mechanic just said that the tractor bearing wasn’t made for high speeds and recommended 80kph. I got to the meeting on time, drove back home without any side-effects at all and even put the bearing to the occasional high speed test! The following day I stopped at the local agent to get the “proper part” fitted! As they never had the correct bearing in stock, one had to be ordered – I was assured that it “would be here in a week or so” and that they will contact me as soon as it arrives. On inquiring, I was told that the new bearing would cost R375 (without labour and fitting) - this seemed a little excessive at the time (1988) but I suppose the agents need to make a little profit as well! The following month I was transferred to the company’s platinum mines near Mooinooi just outside Rustenburg. Needless to say, the new bearing never materialized in time and the ‘tractor’ bearing ‘stood the test of time’, often handling speeds far in excess of 120kph with ease. Soon afterwards I traded the BMW in on a Volkswagen - simply changing the letters “BM” to “V” was the probably the best decision that I ever made! I certainly hoped the new owner of my ‘BM-Trouble-you’ was happy with the re-designed ‘free-flow’ cooling system and the John Deere tractor bearing! They worked alright for me – there is no reason why my ‘conversions’ shouldn’t continue with the good work. Some time later I heard that the car had been seized by the Botswana police for some illegal activity in Gaberone. The police asked me to provide a description of the car. This apparently matched the vehicle in question so they then asked me if I could recall any distinguishing marks. “Yes” I told them, “Just check the front right wheel bearing – if it is stamped ‘John Deere’ you have a perfect match!” Whether the new owner was responsible or what the investigation was all about I’ll probably never know. So the ghost returned! After that call from Botswana there was no further contact - hopefully the spirits have now been sated! Free Advice (to any BMW owner): If you need a wheel bearing try the local John Deere agency first – they are about 10 times cheaper and the product is probably more reliable as well!
A Pair of Tackies: In closing, during a visit to the Rand Easter Show the following year, I passed the BMW stand where they had some attractive ‘eye-candy’ draped over some of their cars. I stopped momentarily to view the show when a snooty-nosed salesman (I think they call them “Product Specialists” nowadays) sidled up and asked me whether he could be of assistance – he had the typical Michaelhouse accent that needs the unique ability of “talking through one’s nose”! Being hard-of-hearing (half deaf), I struggle to hear what most people are trying to say at the best of times so this bloke’s accent irritated me to no end. Anyway I worked out what he wanted and, feeling slightly mischievous, I decided to have a bit of fun as well. So I asked him whether they supplied a pair of tackies with each BMW they sold. He was a little taken aback with my question and replied “Why do you ask?” “Well, I once owned one of these cars and I spent more time walking than driving!” This was overheard by a few others who were also viewing the ‘eye-candy’ and, finding my reply quite hilarious, they immediately burst out laughing! Embarrassment was written in the air! For a moment I thought I may have been responsible for a blown heart valve! The surprised ‘Product Specialist’ choked, coughed and then almost swallowed his tongue (together with his false teeth and gold Dunhill cigarette holder). He turned a deep purple-red and instantaneously grunted, muttered something inaudible to me and high-tailed it back to his make-shift office - no doubt to deal with his profound shock etc! Johnnie Walker or maybe a G & T to the rescue! Tubby Lyle has a colourful descriptive name for these cars – he calls them ‘BM Trouble-You’s’!
So that concludes the story of my foray into the world of the ‘nouveau riche’ – needless to say that BMW’s “don’t impress me much!” (to borrow a phrase from a popular singer, Shania Twain’s hit song).
PS. Chambers Dictionary defines ‘nouveau riche’ [no-voo resh] as “one who has only lately acquired wealth but has not yet acquired good taste or manners!”
In the next story we’ll have fun and games with my Volksie Bus – computers versus common sense!
40 Years Rob Marshall Says: August 13th, 2008 at 9:39 am Yes, time does fly! When one pauses to reminisce, one wonders what has actually happened since we finished our basic schooling. Today I can still recall virtually every day of those years (as well as the scouting, soccer / hockey games, buzz-bikes, yacht club events etc.), but suddenly I have a problem remembering what I did yesterday, let alone what happened in the past year or 10 years or so. Yes, the various classes of ‘68 (as well as the classes of ‘69) were very close, and our social interaction and development during those years meant that there was very little difference between us – our social activities were so closely related that we could have shared a single class! Charlie Paijmans and Ewan Cameron both had to remind me that they matriculated in ’69 – Brian Worthington also reminded me that he was in the class of ’69 and not my year! Time tends to ‘remould’ the facts! For me, the past 40 years has been a blur of events, with memories of many occurrences fading as fast as they occur – possibly it has to do with the “imbedded” memories of one’s childhood being stronger - events that occurred during one’s developing years tend to stick in one’s mind a lot longer than the later events. I often find myself talking about a certain event as if it happened yesterday when, in actual fact, that event occurred many years ago – this generally happens when someone or something reminds me of a long-forgotten incident - suddenly everything surrounding that ‘forgotten’ incident becomes “crystal clear” – as if it happened recently. I think our class have done extremely well and most of us can justifiably be proud of our accomplishments – although some of us have re-located to foreign lands and, sadly, others have passed on, I think we had a great class during our formative years – the fact that, after so many years, we can still call each other, greet each other and generally interact without imposing or intruding on each others’ lives is an indication of the respect that we had for each other. When I speak to the young people of today, I’m astonished to hear that they have little, or no, contact with their fellow scholars. This is especially true of the people who come from the larger cities (or towns) but this seems to be a sign of our times – fortunately this was not the case during our development years and, today, we can all look back on that period, 40 years ago, with pride. Maybe the fact that we never had “instant entertainment” available to us - television and videos, computers and electronic games, etc. did not even appear on our radar! We had to go out and get involved which meant interacting with others after school – we had to create our own entertainment, make our own fun, join sports clubs, scouting and get involved in various other outdoor activities – today most of our sports fields and tennis courts are neglected and overgrown, scout halls have been closed and after-school activities reduced to basic life forms – a courtesy wave from your motor car or passing nod to an acquaintance in the supermarket seems to the accepted form of acknowledging their presence! Fortunately organisations such as Rotary, Lions and Round Table as well as sporting clubs catering for golfers, tennis players etc. are not seriously affected and still manage to attract membership and support from the young professional to the senior citizen – this is in stark contrast to the support that organisations aimed specifically at the younger generation such as Boy Scouts, Girl Guides, Church groups etc. enjoy today. I suppose this is how the human world evolved in the past and, as each future generation develops, they will find activities that ‘amuse’ them which might not find favour with their peers. I think that this was probably the case with our own parents as well, who probably frowned upon our behaviour and us doing what they perceived to be unacceptable; that same behaviour or activity that we may have found acceptable, enjoyable or exciting is now being taken a step further by the next generation - the wheel turns once more! Presently I’m busy “winding down” in preparation of a ‘longish’ break before retiring in 2010 – I notified the company in August last year that I wanted to take my accumulated leave (about 2 years) and that they must start looking for a replacement – fortunately they managed to find a willing hand and he started on the 1st August – I will be staying on for a while to ensure a smooth transition and then I will call it a day at the end of the month. My leave takes me up to the end of 2010 after which I will join the ranks of the “unemployed” – this will give me 39 years service which I feel is more than enough in the mining game! Only now, when I look back, do I realise how time has flown – My thoughts have now started revolving around my leave and eventual retirement. Thinking back, my last genuine break was when I went to Namibia for a 3 week holiday in July 1990, over 18 years ago! Almost a whole life-time - and I wasn’t even 18 when I matriculated! I haven’t made any plans yet as I will still be ‘on the books’ until the end of 2010 (my planned retirement date); this means that the company can still call on me to assist (hopefully not). Initially I’d like to spend some time at my Marloth Park cottage (where there are a few things that need to be altered / fixed / repaired) and then I want to do a bit of travelling. If boredom sets in, I may consider getting involved in developing a suitable property into a small private game farm similar to my Marloth Park investment but, at the moment, these are all “pie in the sky” plans - initially I intend taking everything just one day at a time. Fortunately I have kept in touch with quite a few of our old school pals (these new electronic devices are so convenient although they can also be ‘intrusive’ as well) and hope to visit as many people as possible in the next year or so; Cape Town, Durban, South Coast, Johannesburg and maybe overseas beckon as well – all my empty promises about popping in when I’m ‘down your way’ can now be addressed. Submitted 12th August 2008 Rob Marshall Posted by Rob at 2:46 PM
My Foray into the World of the "Nouveau Riche" - Rob Marshall
ReplyDeleteThe other day I was driving down to the Lowveld for the weekend when a pin fell out of the gearbox linkage leaving my vehicle stuck in 5th gear – no other gears were available and I had no reverse gear! In keeping with Sod’s Law, this had to happen while I was passing through the tiny village of Badplaas, nestled in a deep valley in the foothills of the Drakensberg! Few cars are designed to operate in top gear only so, with no garages open in that area over the weekend, I turned for home – easier said than done!
I was now on the wrong side of the Drakensberg and I faced a 14km continuous climb to reach the Highveld plateau with only 5th gear to do it with! Fortunately with some high start-off speeds, no slow traffic to trouble me and a little bit of good fortune I managed to reach the top on my third attempt.
Eventually I got back to the mine workshops where the mechanic on duty carried out some magical ‘running repairs’ on the errant linkage using a common ‘Gutter bolt - galvanized’ - the only bolt available in the company workshop that fitted. At least I had wheels for the weekend once more!
He had emphasized that the repair was only temporary (because of the mild steel bolt) so I went straight to the local agents on the Monday to get a ‘proper one’ fitted – as expected, the agents had no stock so they had to order a replacement from an Eastern country because “this pin never needs replacing so we don’t keep stocks!”
Ahem! Cough, cough! “Hasn’t the pin just fallen out?”
Incidentally, about 6000kms later, with no sign of the replacement pin, the gutter bolt is still holding the gear linkages together!
This reminded me of the time that I owned a BMW!
In the 1980’s I decided that, after being a loyal Peugeot owner (fan) since I had started my working career, I felt that I deserved an upgrade. So, after what I thought was a thorough investigation of all available models, I settled for a gleaming red BMW with all the mod-cons that my run-of-the-mill Peugeot never had – power steering, brakes, windows, air-conditioner, leather seats, automatic gearbox and plenty of power!
Yislaaik! Just about everything to make a man feel good!
Everything went well for about 3 years but, once the warranty period had ‘conveniently’ expired, I noticed that the temperature would creep up slightly on the occasional trip. Now, after having owned Peugeot cars for so many years, I was immune to such “minor” anomalies - I also expected to carry out the occasional repair using the trusted ‘blou draad-en-tang’ (fencing wire and pliers) to fix the problem !
At that time I lived in a mine village and, with most of my trips being fairly long, the engine generally remained at a constant operating temperature - the occasional rise in temperature was never of any real concern.
First breakdown: One weekend a friend was getting married down in Pietermaritzburg and as a cousin of mine lived nearby, I offered to take her family with to visit her parents who lived in a nearby town.
We were no sooner on the road when we were delayed by a car accident just outside Kinross (Secunda). With the stopping and starting, the motor began overheating and suddenly the damn thing cut out! Now what? Rush hour traffic all over the place! An automatic with a dead engine is like a beached whale – it can go nowhere! Period!
Short-tempered Vaalies were shouting, swearing and flashing finger salutes – that didn’t improve matters at all and just made me more irritated so I replied in kind – not very wise in that area as those people have been known to get dangerously ‘trigger-happy’ at times!
Well to cut the story short, the irate traffic managed to get past and we parked there until the motor cooled sufficiently to fire-up once again. The next town was Trichardt where there is a BMW agency so I stopped to let a mechanic have a look. I had forgotten that traditionally, after 5pm on a Friday (payday) no mechanic can be found anywhere near his workplace, let alone at 5.15pm but the gods must have been smiling as there was still one elderly mechanic just on the point of leaving.
He recognized me and came across to find out what the problem was – I explained as best I could and he replied, “No problem – your thermostat is stuck! Don’t worry, it happens all the time!”
“In order to avoid damaging the motor, an engine protection mechanism kicks in and shuts the motor down! So, actually everything is working properly!” was his confident reply.
Everything (?) - working properly (??) – Is the moon a balloon? Are my wheels turning?
Unfortunately the workshop had already been locked up for the night so he grabbed a large spanner and gave the housing holding the thermostat a solid clout. The temperature gauge immediately reacted to the release of coolant and, before sending us on our way, he reminded me to watch the gauge!
“If the temperature starts rising, stop and clout it just there!” – pointing to a certain spot and that would apparently release the stuck thermostat! So much to instill confidence in our planned trip of over 500kms to Pietermaritzburg!
After due consideration, we reluctantly decided to abandon the trip to Maritzburg and return home. My solemn plan to have the thermostat replaced ‘first thing on the Monday morning’ was postponed but I did keep a spanner handy in case I needed to effect ‘running repairs’ once again!
As I never needed to ‘repair’ the thermostat again, I conveniently forgot about the problem!
Kruger Park trip: Occasionally the company employed overseas students and one year we had 2 German geology students receiving experiential training during their university vacations. The students knew of the Kruger Park, but had never experienced ‘animals in the wild’, so we booked a weekend trip in the Park. Without further ado (or thermostat repairs), I took the mine geologist (an English immigrant as well) and his German students to the Park for the weekend.
We had a great trip – perfect weather, plenty cold beers and excellent viewing – until we stopped to view a pride of lion lying next to a quiet gravel road just outside Skukuza!
With the engine running and the air-con working flat out, the motor soon over-heated and cut out! Can you imagine a more hostile (and awkward) spot to be stranded? Suddenly the lions began showing more than a passing interest in us; they must have sensed our predicament and one even came up to the car seeming to ‘peruse the menu’!
The sun was beating down and, without a breath of cool air, the car was becoming unbearably hot. Our beers were in the boot and thirst became a paramount issue! There were no cell phones back then so phoning for assistance was out of the question!
The general consensus was that the lions were indeed ravenous, if not starving - someone even added that “you can read it in their eyes!”
Yes! No cajoling could entice any volunteers to “give the thermostat a clout” or fetch a few beers from the boot!
Fortunately the lions did provide a satisfactory distraction, and after awhile, the motor cooled enough to allow it to fire up again – as automatics don’t free-wheel very well, the next couple of hundred metres were fairly precarious - the motor could quite easily overheat and cut out once again. Fortunately we found a clearing away from the lions and, after having a damned good look for any prowling lions, I took out the spanner and gave the wayward thermostat housing a good clout – someone dived into the boot for a few “cold ones” and, within seconds, we were on our way again.
I’m sure that no Formula 1 pit crew would have beaten us on the day! It’s quite amazing what encouragement a ravenous pride of lions can provide!
Our next stop was Skukuza and, while the others were working on dry throats, I went around to the garage where I explained the problem to the mechanic on duty – in no time at all he had the housing unbolted and was waving the errant thermostat about!
He explained why the device was not functioning as designed and added that he couldn’t repair it as this one was completely “Kaput”! He would have to order a new one which should be there on Monday afternoon!
This called for desperate measures and a workable plan! Besides being booked in elsewhere in the Park, we also needed to get back to work on Monday!
I couldn’t remember whether any of my Peugeots were ever fitted with a thermostat so I asked the mechanic what its purpose was.
He explained it thus: “It is designed to shut off the water circulation at start-up and, once the engine reached operating temperature, it would act as a regulator to the water-flow, opening and closing depending on the engine temperature – this is to keep the engine at a constant operating temperature and ensure that the engine operated at maximum efficiency.”
AHEM! All good and well! Now for the big question! Can the engine work without it? Yes, but the fuel efficiency would be compromised!
Yislaaik! What a joke! Where do you find a “fuel efficient” BMW? They are designed to guzzle petrol and do so at an alarming rate! Ask me, I know!
Needless to say, the last time I saw the ’trouble’ was when it disappeared into the waste bin. With that my overheating problem was resolved (forever) and I never considered replacing the thermostat ever again!
At the time I kept a record of my fuel and there was no appreciable difference in general consumption at all - thus proving that the efficiency characteristics were just a myth!
John Deere to the Rescue: A year or so later I had to attend an important meeting in our Johannesburg Head Office – the meeting was scheduled for 9am so I left Kriel nice and early (to avoid any traffic snarl-ups) but just before Delmas my good intentions came to naught when a tremendous racket suddenly came from the front of the car accompanied with a major steering vibration – Now what! It seems as if misfortune follows me around!
I immediately pulled off the road and started looking for the source. I checked all the wheels (gave them each a good kick) no problem there – I opened the bonnet (everything seemed to be still there and in order – nothing was loose or missing) - I looked underneath (maybe I had hooked some road debris) but there was nothing!
OK, so I gave it another go. As I got to 45kph the racket/vibrations started again! It sounded as if the car was about to fall apart! At any moment I expected pieces of engine etc. to come flying out from the front somewhere! At that stage I had very little confidence left in the car!
Fortunately I found that there was very little noise or vibration if I kept my speed below 30kph so, with Delmas only 10kms away, I pressed on and eventually limped into town just after 7am.
Now to find a garage – any garage! I drove right through the town. Every garage shut tight! Earlier I had passed a farmers supply store and, what looked like a workshop – there were advertisements for John Deere tractors pasted all over and a few people were walking about so I decided to go back and ask them for assistance.
“No problem – just pull the car up to here and we’ll have a look” was the joyful reply!
In a moment the wheel was off and the problem identified – the front wheel bearing had disintegrated!
“No problem – there is a BMW agency in Springs and we’ll have a new bearing here chop-chop – you’ll be on your way by lunch time” was the joyful retort.
Eish! That meant missing the meeting - there were no cell phones in those days and I never had a single telephone number with me.
Whoa! The mechanic to the rescue! “I’ll check whether we have a similar bearing in our stores – let me have a look!”
A minute later he was back - he had a bearing of the exact size; after checking the size with a micrometer, he found it to be a perfect fit! “Do I mind if he fits a John Deere tractor bearing?”
“No problem! Go ahead and fit it!”
Total cost – less than a hundred bucks! Bearing R35; labour R50! The mechanic just said that the tractor bearing wasn’t made for high speeds and recommended 80kph. I got to the meeting on time, drove back home without any side-effects at all and even put the bearing to the occasional high speed test!
The following day I stopped at the local agent to get the “proper part” fitted! As they never had the correct bearing in stock, one had to be ordered – I was assured that it “would be here in a week or so” and that they will contact me as soon as it arrives.
On inquiring, I was told that the new bearing would cost R375 (without labour and fitting) - this seemed a little excessive at the time (1988) but I suppose the agents need to make a little profit as well!
The following month I was transferred to the company’s platinum mines near Mooinooi just outside Rustenburg.
Needless to say, the new bearing never materialized in time and the ‘tractor’ bearing ‘stood the test of time’, often handling speeds far in excess of 120kph with ease.
Soon afterwards I traded the BMW in on a Volkswagen - simply changing the letters “BM” to “V” was the probably the best decision that I ever made!
I certainly hoped the new owner of my ‘BM-Trouble-you’ was happy with the re-designed ‘free-flow’ cooling system and the John Deere tractor bearing! They worked alright for me – there is no reason why my ‘conversions’ shouldn’t continue with the good work.
Some time later I heard that the car had been seized by the Botswana police for some illegal activity in Gaberone. The police asked me to provide a description of the car. This apparently matched the vehicle in question so they then asked me if I could recall any distinguishing marks.
“Yes” I told them, “Just check the front right wheel bearing – if it is stamped ‘John Deere’ you have a perfect match!” Whether the new owner was responsible or what the investigation was all about I’ll probably never know.
So the ghost returned! After that call from Botswana there was no further contact - hopefully the spirits have now been sated!
Free Advice (to any BMW owner): If you need a wheel bearing try the local John Deere agency first – they are about 10 times cheaper and the product is probably more reliable as well!
A Pair of Tackies: In closing, during a visit to the Rand Easter Show the following year, I passed the BMW stand where they had some attractive ‘eye-candy’ draped over some of their cars.
I stopped momentarily to view the show when a snooty-nosed salesman (I think they call them “Product Specialists” nowadays) sidled up and asked me whether he could be of assistance – he had the typical Michaelhouse accent that needs the unique ability of “talking through one’s nose”!
Being hard-of-hearing (half deaf), I struggle to hear what most people are trying to say at the best of times so this bloke’s accent irritated me to no end. Anyway I worked out what he wanted and, feeling slightly mischievous, I decided to have a bit of fun as well.
So I asked him whether they supplied a pair of tackies with each BMW they sold.
He was a little taken aback with my question and replied “Why do you ask?”
“Well, I once owned one of these cars and I spent more time walking than driving!”
This was overheard by a few others who were also viewing the ‘eye-candy’ and, finding my reply quite hilarious, they immediately burst out laughing! Embarrassment was written in the air!
For a moment I thought I may have been responsible for a blown heart valve!
The surprised ‘Product Specialist’ choked, coughed and then almost swallowed his tongue (together with his false teeth and gold Dunhill cigarette holder). He turned a deep purple-red and instantaneously grunted, muttered something inaudible to me and high-tailed it back to his make-shift office - no doubt to deal with his profound shock etc!
Johnnie Walker or maybe a G & T to the rescue!
Tubby Lyle has a colourful descriptive name for these cars – he calls them ‘BM Trouble-You’s’!
So that concludes the story of my foray into the world of the ‘nouveau riche’ – needless to say that BMW’s “don’t impress me much!” (to borrow a phrase from a popular singer, Shania Twain’s hit song).
PS. Chambers Dictionary defines ‘nouveau riche’ [no-voo resh] as “one who has only lately acquired wealth but has not yet acquired good taste or manners!”
In the next story we’ll have fun and games with my Volksie Bus – computers versus common sense!
40 Years
ReplyDeleteRob Marshall Says: August 13th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Yes, time does fly! When one pauses to reminisce, one wonders what has actually happened since we finished our basic schooling. Today I can still recall virtually every day of those years (as well as the scouting, soccer / hockey games, buzz-bikes, yacht club events etc.), but suddenly I have a problem remembering what I did yesterday, let alone what happened in the past year or 10 years or so.
Yes, the various classes of ‘68 (as well as the classes of ‘69) were very close, and our social interaction and development during those years meant that there was very little difference between us – our social activities were so closely related that we could have shared a single class! Charlie Paijmans and Ewan Cameron both had to remind me that they matriculated in ’69 – Brian Worthington also reminded me that he was in the class of ’69 and not my year! Time tends to ‘remould’ the facts!
For me, the past 40 years has been a blur of events, with memories of many occurrences fading as fast as they occur – possibly it has to do with the “imbedded” memories of one’s childhood being stronger - events that occurred during one’s developing years tend to stick in one’s mind a lot longer than the later events. I often find myself talking about a certain event as if it happened yesterday when, in actual fact, that event occurred many years ago – this generally happens when someone or something reminds me of a long-forgotten incident - suddenly everything surrounding that ‘forgotten’ incident becomes “crystal clear” – as if it happened recently.
I think our class have done extremely well and most of us can justifiably be proud of our accomplishments – although some of us have re-located to foreign lands and, sadly, others have passed on, I think we had a great class during our formative years – the fact that, after so many years, we can still call each other, greet each other and generally interact without imposing or intruding on each others’ lives is an indication of the respect that we had for each other. When I speak to the young people of today, I’m astonished to hear that they have little, or no, contact with their fellow scholars. This is especially true of the people who come from the larger cities (or towns) but this seems to be a sign of our times – fortunately this was not the case during our development years and, today, we can all look back on that period, 40 years ago, with pride.
Maybe the fact that we never had “instant entertainment” available to us - television and videos, computers and electronic games, etc. did not even appear on our radar! We had to go out and get involved which meant interacting with others after school – we had to create our own entertainment, make our own fun, join sports clubs, scouting and get involved in various other outdoor activities – today most of our sports fields and tennis courts are neglected and overgrown, scout halls have been closed and after-school activities reduced to basic life forms – a courtesy wave from your motor car or passing nod to an acquaintance in the supermarket seems to the accepted form of acknowledging their presence!
Fortunately organisations such as Rotary, Lions and Round Table as well as sporting clubs catering for golfers, tennis players etc. are not seriously affected and still manage to attract membership and support from the young professional to the senior citizen – this is in stark contrast to the support that organisations aimed specifically at the younger generation such as Boy Scouts, Girl Guides, Church groups etc. enjoy today. I suppose this is how the human world evolved in the past and, as each future generation develops, they will find activities that ‘amuse’ them which might not find favour with their peers.
I think that this was probably the case with our own parents as well, who probably frowned upon our behaviour and us doing what they perceived to be unacceptable; that same behaviour or activity that we may have found acceptable, enjoyable or exciting is now being taken a step further by the next generation - the wheel turns once more!
Presently I’m busy “winding down” in preparation of a ‘longish’ break before retiring in 2010 – I notified the company in August last year that I wanted to take my accumulated leave (about 2 years) and that they must start looking for a replacement – fortunately they managed to find a willing hand and he started on the 1st August – I will be staying on for a while to ensure a smooth transition and then I will call it a day at the end of the month.
My leave takes me up to the end of 2010 after which I will join the ranks of the “unemployed” – this will give me 39 years service which I feel is more than enough in the mining game!
Only now, when I look back, do I realise how time has flown – My thoughts have now started revolving around my leave and eventual retirement. Thinking back, my last genuine break was when I went to Namibia for a 3 week holiday in July 1990, over 18 years ago! Almost a whole life-time - and I wasn’t even 18 when I matriculated!
I haven’t made any plans yet as I will still be ‘on the books’ until the end of 2010 (my planned retirement date); this means that the company can still call on me to assist (hopefully not).
Initially I’d like to spend some time at my Marloth Park cottage (where there are a few things that need to be altered / fixed / repaired) and then I want to do a bit of travelling. If boredom sets in, I may consider getting involved in developing a suitable property into a small private game farm similar to my Marloth Park investment but, at the moment, these are all “pie in the sky” plans - initially I intend taking everything just one day at a time.
Fortunately I have kept in touch with quite a few of our old school pals (these new electronic devices are so convenient although they can also be ‘intrusive’ as well) and hope to visit as many people as possible in the next year or so; Cape Town, Durban, South Coast, Johannesburg and maybe overseas beckon as well – all my empty promises about popping in when I’m ‘down your way’ can now be addressed.
Submitted 12th August 2008
Rob Marshall
Posted by Rob at 2:46 PM